Honestly, it's nothing but a blessing that we some of us have the freedom to choose our jobs. But we struggle with the permanence of our choice anyway. Me, I've always been too ambitious for my own good. Or maybe too much of a dreamer.
The problem is that I want to try my hand at everything. I want to taste from every dish, play all four colours on a Uno card to see where each will lead me. It is that I care too much about everything and don't limit myself to some things.
One day I'm a to-be geneticist, the next a doctor, then engineer - entrepreneur - political adviser. It's a relentless wheel that is without purpose. I have no real reason to want to be any of those things.
I used to envy those who were passionate about just one thing, a specialist in one area. But I'm starting to question the merits of that, too, and whether they are really all that different from me. After all, risk is just as universal as talent.
Another thing I used to think was that personality types and tests would help me a lot. Every day for the past three years of my life, I've been an INTJ. You know, solitary behind-the-scenes guy, running the analysis? But I can't even use that anymore, because every week I keep getting damn different results. Because I don't even know who I am, much less who I want to be.
The worry is that even if we choose, we won't be the same person in ten years' time.
So maybe the best thing we can do is to have a direction. A compass needs to know where to point, even if it does not know its destination yet.
Mine is to be a part of something that will long outlive me. I've always been obsessed with global changes, from butterfly effects to innovation. If you lived in my house, the evidence would speak for itself: documentaries on robots, a lovingly dog-eared biography of Steve Jobs, folders and folders of new projects and ideas.
The specifics can come later. One card drawn at a time.
As for destinations ... well, I plan to set aside some time for myself, to really think about it in depth. I will play my cards right, and I'll just choose. We can just choose. And it won't be the end of ambition, it'll be the growth of it, the sharpening of it, until the whetstone renders our lives purposeful.