graduation + the reason I can't ride a bike

by - 1/28/2016 07:00:00 pm


I never had that riding-your-first-bike experience that a lot of people had. That's because instead of bicycles, I learned how to rollerblade at the age of nine.

But I was always too scared to let go of the fence and just damn skate. I had safety pads and everything. I was just being a goose about the fact that my rollerblades had three wheels down the row in the center—like ice skates. For anyone who's ever been ice skating, you'll know that the first obstacle is trying to get your balance.

Of course, I did the only "logical" thing one could do in this scenario. Which was fall over on purpose. Again and again.

I did it until falling over was routine, until it no longer seemed like a threat. Sometimes I like to imagine people walking across the street and seeing a child throwing themselves feverishly to the ground, over and over again. Must've looked pretty crazy.

It somehow worked.

--

Now there's the high school version of rollerblading for the first time, and that's graduation. I don't know what bubble of ignorance and bliss I was in before, but reality has finally caught up to me and punched me in the gut. 

I'll be graduating next year. Where I live, the last two years of high school are the only ones that matter when it comes to grades. For any Americans out there, it's like the GPA but only for Years 11 and 12. 

Except it's a lot more competitive. Your score is entirely based off where you rank in your classes, and where your class ranks in the state. On top of that, I'm trying to get a good SAT score should I choose to move to America.

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People who know me in real life think I'm competitive, but it's only out of necessity. I'm not a naturally competitive person. My goal has always been to be the top of my classes because I'm scared of the fall. Except this time, I can't prepare for it by purposely failing. 

What do you do when you can't vanish your fears away? Each failure doesn't ease the threat, the possibility that all you've aspired to can be reduced to dust. 

All I can hope for is that I'm able to stay on my feet. But when my school starts in February this year, my prospects rely on how well those six wheels can keep me from falling down.

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How does education work where you live? Is there a lot riding on your success? Do you fear failure?

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17 comments

  1. I tried ice skating twice and roller blades once. Not a good idea for me at all :')

    I'm graduating at the end of this year (year 13, here in New Zealand), and this year & last year, are really important for things like scholarships and school awards. Within the school it doesn't feel super competitive, but when I think about it as a country, it is.

    I hear you with the failing- I'm terrified of failing at anything (which is why I tend to pick things I'm good at). And I've always felt a lot of pressure to be top of the class at school.

    Good luck with school this year!! I know you'll do great :)

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    1. Same. :') Being on flat ground is worth it.

      Really? I think Australia is the opposite, at least from my perspective. I'm from the ACT which is the best state in terms of standardised education scores and wealth, so mostly my competition is within my school (we have a lot of smart kids!). Every year we also do interschool math competitions, which are kind of stressful as well!

      I think that's great advice regardless of whether you're scared of failing! And I get what you mean. There's really no great advantage to being the top over being second (in my state), but I feel the pressure as well.

      You too! I hope I'm not too busy with school that I can't keep corespondance with you and all the other bloggers. :)

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  2. I'm graduating at the end of next year, and years 11 and 12 ahead are the ones that matter the most for me too. It's scary knowing that now my grades actually matter. This is what I've been training up for, right? This is why I studied so hard. It can't have been for nothing. Staying at the top of a class isn't being competitive. It's just setting yourself up for a future. Being the top isn't everything though, right?

    -M
    The Life of Little Me

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    1. It's terrifying, isn't it? It feels like everything has been leading up to that point, which honestly sounds a little ridicilous, but it's partly true! I definitely agree, though, being top isn't a big deal but at the same time, it is. :(

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  3. Hey, I'm almost nineteen and I'm still too scared to ride a bike. Yep, America rides a lot on school and grades (and money, ugh) too. But I'm eschewing that and staying as far away from college as possible. My goal is to not follow what my culture has in plan for me. I want to follow what God has in store for my life. ♥

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    1. That's a really honourable goal. I'm happy you have the courage to do what the rest of us can't, and I hope God has many wonderful things in store for you. :)

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  4. I roller skate quite a bit.

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  5. Great Post! I'm start when I was six years and I have a four-wheel bike haha ​​.. I pedaled continues to be the third wheel tires *lol. until I was 10 years old I've been able to ride my bike with two wheels

    Follow for follow via GFC and G+?

    Kisses,
    Official Seol

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    1. Yay! Haha, I wish I had that experience. :')

      Sure.

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  6. *sends love and takeout* All the best with your exams! I loved reading about your personal experiences -- I used to ice-skate and the only thing I could do was go forward and fall, so I've had that experience too. There's definitely a lot riding on the last two years of high school here as well, and I'm struggling with that too!

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    1. *returns love but not takeout, as mine will not be as awesome/devillish as yours*

      Thanks! I'm glad you do, sometimes I think they're the lacklustre part of my blog, but I guess I need a release now and then. :') Hope you finish this year with flying colours, Alyssa!

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  7. Yeah. I know what you mean about all the competition. I am always afraid that school will become only about class rank to me, instead of the actual lessons we are learning.

    With SAT's there are free practice tests you can look at online. Be sure to go to the SAT website (https://sat.collegeboard.org/practice/sat-practice-questions) and try a few questions so you know how to pace yourself. Also they just redid the exam so you'll want to look at websites that say March 2016. Good luck!

    Kate @ majesticgoldenrose.weebly.com

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    1. Me too, and I think there's more value in school than that!

      Thank you! I'm definitely taking the New SAT. I'll need to find myself a smart strategy to getting a decent score. :)

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  8. I'm not sure which year level you're in, but graduation sounds scary. I still have a bit more than a year (only a bit! *tries not to be super scared* I'm really really competitive, and I always want to do well in everything and beat everyone else (which usually works, which is bad) Anyway, good luck! *tells self to study for mocks in 2 days*)
    weavingwaveswords.wordpress.com (but don't feel obliged to read my blog :)

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    1. Year 11 (usually 16-17 years old), and it does, doesn't it! Awh, me too. I feel you, I'm really competitive as well, I'm often not satisfied with second-best (and then I feel bad about it). Good luck to you too. :)

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  9. YOU CAN'T RIDE lol i love chicken bok boj

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